Men, guys, dudes, rejoice! After much research and testing, we have found the cure to the cursed male loneliness epidemic that is sweeping our country and our op-ed sections. We know you feel isolated. We know you can’t talk about your emotions. We know you’re looking for male role models in all the wrong YouTube algorithms. But fear not. We have found the solution to all your problems: doing outlandish science projects to prove or disprove commonplace myths.
Men these days are reverting to masculine ideals from yesteryear. They think real men have to be strong, tough, and misogynistic. Listen, boys, you don’t need big muscles, you don’t need creatine powder, and you certainly don’t need to get surgery to gain an extra few inches of height because you’d rather have metal implants in your legs than be 5′4″. All you really need is a curious mind, a pure heart, and military-level access to high-powered explosives. And also a seemingly endless supply of crash-test dummies.
Where do men typically make friends? The gym. School. Work. These places can be great for building connections, but they can also reinforce harmful ideas about masculinity (just think of how much is shrugged off as “locker-room talk”). Doing bizarre and often comical science experiments with your friends is a way to avoid that toxic environment, and instead introduce men to a different kind of toxic environment, where, for example, they measure how long it would take a balloon filled with poison to spread its noxious air.
“But,” we hear you ask, “how do I know if any of my dude friends will even want to solve science mysteries with me?” Good news, they all do. We did multiple studies where we gathered men together and asked them things like, “So, how many times do you think you can fold a sheet of paper?” or “Do you think you’d be able to find a needle in a haystack?” and every time, each of the men wanted to try to do the thing immediately. Seriously. We had to pull some of the men away from the haystacks because they got so into it. Men are absolutely itching to solve little puzzles and then tell everyone about how they solved a little puzzle.
We hear your concerns about the manosphere. We hear your concerns about protein-powder consumption. We hear your concerns about men spending time doing mouth exercises to improve their jawlines. We cannot hear anything else because we have noise-canceling headphones on our ears while we try to see if we can light a match with a gun. This is one of the many experiments that male friends can do together instead of watching Andrew Tate videos or posting derogatory things on Sydney Sweeney’s Instagram stories.
Men, we know you feel lost. The world is full of unknowns, like Who am I? What is my purpose? How many Mentos would I need to drop into a bottle of Coke to bust open a door? Doing weird science experiments with your friends can answer at least one, if not more of these questions. And even when we finally get to the bottom of every science quandary there is, hope is still not lost. There’s always Jackass.

