There are many good reasons to scream. Rent, AI. Your disaster of a love life, getting laid off. Not one, but two of your violins getting stolen, or your parents constantly discussing your hypothetical future husband they invented in their minds and named Raymond, because it sounds like your brother’s wife’s name (Rachel). Or perhaps you just turned 30.
And screaming is more fun with friends! This observation, simple yet powerful, is what inspired me to once again roll up my sleeves and spend over 10 minutes thinking of other stupid things we could do within this theme, then creating flyers to broadcast it.
We obviously needed screaming warm-ups, so as to not strain our screaming muscles. And it’s important to stretch afterwards as well, so we needed screaming cool-downs. We should have a screaming contest to find the best screamer, and they should win a big special prize. And we should have practice screams to ramp up for the one really big one.
I of course anticipated all the questions people would have, and then I wrote different ones that I found funny instead.
It’s been awhile since I hosted an event, over a year has passed since the first (and last) Sit Club (run club without the bad parts), the “Death Duel” (to fix the gender ratio in SF), and Strippers for Charity (self-explanatory).
After all, I’ve been really busy tricking 3 million people into believing in an evil fake polycule, commandeering 1.5% of San Franciscans to do my bidding, starting a youtube channel, running my startup Outernet, moving to a new neighborhood, dealing with a broken refrigerator and fighting Home Depot, an ant infestation, and needing to buy lots of new plants to fill my new home. My autoimmune condition has also been flaring, so I’ve had to cook all my meals from scratch on a specialized diet. But what are these inconveniences but the tension that holds together the woven thread of life? What are these but reasons to scream?1
I didn’t put that much effort into promoting this event, because I didn’t feel like it. I usually just put up some stupid flyers, people take pictures and send them to their friends or post them online, and they go viral.
I often joke I have this duel blessing/curse, the type mischievous, fae-like creatures dole out, where my schemes always go viral, but only from someone else posting them. This time, that person was Greg Dewar, a guy who uses Instagram the old-fashioned way, just casually posting things that spark delight. He snapped a photo and shared it, and that got 18k likes.2 Serendipitously, he shared it on his birthday, and called its virality “a weird birthday present thanks to a bunch of people I don’t know.” So cute! So true also.3

I actually did finally get a shred of Twitter clout from this event, as I shared that when I was hanging up flyers, a man ironically started screaming at me to take them down and following me. And I was like, hey man, maybe you should direct your anger issues toward the sea, not at random strangers (I said this in my head not out loud, as I was too busy moving fast to escape him). I highkey turned lemons (being chased) into lemonade (Twitter clout) with that chasing. Sadly, I have already written about the three times I have been physically chased, and I will unfortunately now have to up that tally to four.
Now my first challenge was identifying a good spot for so many people to scream. I asked my outdoorsy friends for the longitude and latitude of good vantage points. We could do a beach, but a cliff overlooking the sea just felt more powerful. I ventured throughout the Presidio, hunting for a good spot, and discovered4 Vista del Mar. It was perfect: dramatic, castle-like ruins with a gorgeous ocean view.

My second challenge was creating stickers for fun. I had so many ideas that I decided to engage in democracy and let the people decide.
My third challenge was there were so many reporters up my ass to cover this event, and honestly I was like - slow news day, huh? And I told them such. One day all other news will become obsolete in the face of the 𝓇𝒶𝓌 & 𝒻𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓁 media empire anyways, so. Enjoy riding on my coattails while it lasts, buddy.
My fourth challenge was I felt inspired to create a scream zine, but was just so busy and honestly lacked zine-making expertise, so it’d be a big lift to self-learn and then create one. I put out a Call for Artists to two of my incredibly talented friends, Connie and Aileen, and they were both down. I am so, so incredibly grateful to have such talented friends down to clown with my stupid shenanigans, and they absolutely killed it.
Aileen even went rogue and created another mini zine, The Screamer’s Pocket Companion.
My fifth challenge was how to get people to actually show up, and show up on time. Here’s the sitch:
There’s severe partifulation (partiful RSVP inflation), where people think an event is funny, so they RSVP yes, then flake or were not even in the state to begin with.
People often think my events are jokes, and not actually happening, so I have to prove that they’re serious! Or at least “seriously” happening.
Attendees often show up late. You don’t want to start on-time and have half the crowd miss out, but you also don’t want to incentivize people to arrive late by delaying the start.
So to contend with these variables, after scouting out a location:
I shared the schedule so people knew the event itself would be fun and interesting, and not just a one-note joke of screaming once then going home.
I sent a pic of the event location to affirm the event was, in fact, not a joke.
I also set a very narrow event duration of 1.5 hours (so if you arrive an hour late, you’ll miss the bulk of the event) and laid out a specific schedule (so people would know what they’d miss if they arrived late).
I also broadcasted that the first 100 people to arrive would receive a scream zine and stickers5. This last strategy was extremely effective, many people arrived early, even before me.
Finally, with my five great challenges conquered, it was time to Scream.6
Actually - one more challenge before we get into the event - I was concerned about park rangers showing up and shutting us down. But there was nothing I could do to prevent this, so I knocked on wood and prayed for the best.
Ok back to the main event.7
To ensure no one pulled a scream muscle, we started with scream warm-ups. I had tasked my friend Greta with this, and had no idea what she prepared. And Greta did an incredible job, she actually really got on a power trip with it, which was beautiful to behold. I felt so proud.
Scream warm-ups included fixing your posture, releasing your shame, isolating different parts of the mouth and warming each separately, and performing animal noises. The last one she admitted was just because she wanted to see us do that, not particularly for warming-up.
Greta’s in a tree because she’s just like that. Video credits to Saniya Godil.
After our vocal chords were nice and warm, we held the screaming contest, to find the best screamer. Everyone formed a line, then we drew two lines in the sand, one for the contestants to toe, and one for us to stand behind, to ensure a constant distance for measuring decibel. The scoring was based on volume, duration, and style, and the calculation is proprietary information.
Sam measured sound in decibels, Connie recorded duration, and Sam, Aileen, and I awarded style points. Fun fact: Sam bought a referee outfit to help with the Death Duel to Fix The Ratio, and he’s now used it for four different events (including our friends setting a LEGO world record and a cutting-things-perfectly-in-half competition). Turns out a silly little outfit is often a really valuable investment.
A scream contestant. Video credits to Greg Dewar.
People had real style to their screams, some high pitched, some low pitched, some from the gut, some from the chest, some a long groan, others a short yelp.
Another scream contestant. Video credits to Henna Chou.
Kyana (the runner-up) and a guy whose name I don’t remember! Video credits to Rhea Joseph.
A couple brought their cute lil baby up, who ostensibly screams all the time, but had performance anxiety when it was time to compete. Everyone encouraged the little babe to scream, he opened his mouth, we waited eagerly in anticipation, and a long string of drool came out and slowly dripped to the ground, and the crowd died laughing.
We had to learn the hard way that 39 contenders screaming straight into your face as loud as they can makes your ears hurt a bit.
At long last, I climbed up on a picnic bench and talked people through our practice screams. Starting at just 1% of our power, then ramping up to 10%, then 50%, and finally the one really big one at 100% of our power.
The climactic scream just went on and on, a choir of collective exhalation. Like overlapping waves, each individual’s scream ebbed and flowed, but melded in a cacophony of release, the people clearly needed this a lot.
Video credits to Saniya Godil
Video credits to Sam Sliman.
After our big one, it was time to announce the winner of the screaming contest, Olivia. She performed an encore for the crowd, to teach us what a really great scream sounds like.
Olivia, the #1 Screamer, performing a screaming encore. Video credits to Henna Chou.
Her trophy was a mini microphone labeled “#1 Screamer, a guttural scream at the sea 2026” so that everyone going forth could hear her beautiful scream even louder and more clearly.
I was kinda terrified the whole time that park rangers would show up and shut down the party, considering we did have over 100 people intermittently screaming in public, but luckily it was super chill.8
However, what did show up was a clown on stilts. I thought they might’ve been here for something else, but they leered that they did, in fact, come to scream. More-so I felt they came to help inspire screams in others.
Terrifying! Video credits to Henna Chou.
Once the scheduled screams concluded, screamers mingled, ostensibly using the zine’s icebreakers I had so painstakingly prepared, and ate freshly cut fruit. The crowd would intermittently just be pierced with guttural screaming, a call which others would then join in on.
All in all, it was a great scream. I honestly cannot remember the last time I had such a freeing scream, let alone a community-driven scream, surrounded by my closest friends and people I just met.
All this to say: a guttural scream at the sea healed me.
Appendix:
Here’s the video KQED put together, super cute! And here’s the article from SF Gate.
The Canadian Broadcasting Channel also reached out for some reason, and a bunch of random sites recycled content to patch together their own articles. But the funniest one has got to be the following, which took a picture of my friend Myko from the event and then just AI-generated shit around him. Like, okay.
It was also kinda funny that no one called this event by its formal name, a guttural scream at the sea. They called it a “scream event,” “screamfest,” “scream off,” etc. Like respect its formal title guys.
Also, I gotta make sure I still got it ;)
I was actually jumpscared by this as a suggested post on my instagram feed.
Greg ended up coming to the event and was so sweet. I love the serendipity of a random stranger finding one of my flyers on the street, sharing it, and unintentionally going viral (as was the case for Sit Club, the fake evil polycule, SF Personals, the Alextravaganza, etc). Especially if they haven’t really gone viral before. He was the right person to find it.
Discovered in the same sense that Columbus “discovered” America. I’ve always wanted to say that. More diverse people should just claim to have discovered things.
This was also helpful because I had no idea how many people of the 600 yes RSVPs would actually come, so we could just make 100 zines and say, if ya snooze ya lose! Early bird gets the zine.
In a good way!
Literally haha did you see what I did there?
I also deliberately picked a location that was somewhat tucked away and up high, so you couldn’t really hear us / we weren’t disturbing the peace.












